Her decaying soul cry with pain...

"To be happy or to be sad
She doesn't know anything anymore
She feels nothing
or may be feels everything
But she doesn't know for sure.

Her heart is burning inside out
And tears won't run down from her eyes
and the fear and sadness builds inside.
It is too much to bare
that much she know for sure.

It's like she's not there anymore
That she's floating in the univers
unseen and unheard,
Like she has become an inconstant
instead of the constant she should be.

And she waits and waits
And it's a never ending longing
she looks far ahead
and sees nothing but a mirage in the desert
And her decaying soul cry with pain."

Waiting for something...

May be we all wait for something in life.. A perfect day, a dream to come true, to see someone or to be with someone, to have a kid or to leave a legacy, to change the world, or to see a flower bloom, build a snowman, to see Eiffel tower or go to Venice, the point is whether it's simple or not we all may wait for something in life. And that one thing or many things could be very big for you. And while we wait for this day, our lives go on. We wake up everyday, do what ever we do, we eat, we sleep, we laugh and we cry, we work tirelessly and we do thousands of different things. But deep down inside, only thing we may really want, may be is to see or experience what we really wait for, in every single moment of our lives.

is it wrong to feel this way...

mountains far away

ocean turned to blue

cool breeze scent of a rose

phoenix fly away

you sung like a nightingale

made me smile my heart out

you gave me all you had

and made me happy forever

i don't know your favorite colour

or your favorite place to go

i never knew the song in your heart

or the movie that you felt in love

but you stood by me always

and kept me strong and warm

you held my hand and promised me

that you would never let it go

i was never good with promises

or with the dreams that hold the life

and i don't do well with rejection

or with sarcasm comes with all

but you understood many of it

and showed me how to dream

you looked into my eyes

and gave me a paradise

so i ask

is it wrong to say that i miss you

is it wrong to say that i want you

is it wrong to say that i love you

is it wrong to feel this way...

show me a way...

kiss me

I say

put your hands around my neck

take me closer

look in to my eyes

and kiss me

I locked up my heart

closed its door

and threw the key away

now I don't know how to

open it up

and speak up the words

you yearn to hear

now I don't know how to

open it up

and cross the boundaries

you want me to cross

but I want you to try,

try and do what you wanna do

make me walk over the moon

dance on the sea shore

and get lost in the woods

so I say,

kiss me

I say

put your hands around my neck

take me closer

look in to my eyes

and kiss me

And it'll be a wonderful world

where nightingales sing

and gondolas flow

And it'll be a wonderful place

where we hold each other

and live forever

I have lost my way

there's no going back

I'm scared and cold

there's no shelter to run

now I don't know how to

find my way back

and speak up the words

you yearn to hear

now I don't know how to

standup for each other

and cross the boundaries

you want me to cross

but I want you to try,

try and do what you wanna do

make me walk on the moon

dance on the sea shore

and get lost in the woods

so I say,

kiss me

I say

put your hands around my neck

take me closer

look in to my eyes

and kiss me

And it'll be a wonderful world

where nightingales sing

and gondolas flow

And it'll be a wonderful place

where we hold each other

and live forever

It's DECEMBER...

It's December. And in a moment, this year would come to an end. Have no idea how the time flew by. And soon enough 2011 also will come and go. But the life won't change. Oh..yeah, you might disagree..but for me its the truth. Ten years back, I got up in the morning, went to school, came home, did homework, watched TV and went to bed. Today, I go for lectures, come home, do studies, watch TV or some movie and go to bed. And next year, I might go for work, come home, do some more work, watch TV or some movie and go to bed. Ring a similarity? No spontaneous life changes. No near death experiences. Instead over the years it has become less reading, less traveling, less time with good friends, less to no letters to or from my best friend, less talking, less true smiles, less time in temple, less freedom, less connection with family and less interest in world all together. So if the pattern continues, who knows what would happen. But, yes.. there were those moments, moments that I try to remember over and over again, moments that I try to keep in my mind, moments that I want to be an eternity. But then again, those moments are illusions, that might fade away. In reality, I am still me, who were there ten years back, who tried to keep a happy face in every moment that spent at home, because there were no other choice. They say that life could change in a moment, after all it took only seconds for the atomic bomb to destroy an entire city and generations to come. But all those for the bad, for good it takes an eternity. And ten years is a long time to live in monotony. So you tell me, would things change spontaneously for me in the next moment?

The Message of My Heart...

May this wind
carry the message
of my heart,
and may it speak
the unspoken of eternity.

May these mountains
echo the message
of my heart,
and may those hide
the passion of love.

May this earth
warm the message
of my heart,
and may it embrace
the children of future.

May these waters
sail the msessage
of my heart,
and may those fullfill
the thirst of life.

May this bird
sing the message
of my heart,
and may it travel
the land of faraway.

And may all these
come together as one,
and may those bring
the happiness of life.

' I see through "Red Wine" '

It's dark
with lights all over
blue, green and red.
It's silent
with music aloud
strings of a guitar
and cymbals and toms.
People drunk
they talk and sing
dance and laugh
everyone sees everyone
and no one sees anyone.
But,
I see a girl
mad in love
possessed by love
wondering around
unseen to everyone.
Her heart is on fire
like the Phoenix who dies.
Her eyes are cold
like the depth of the sea.
'Birds' are singing
it's a maddening tune
everybody dance
and she searches
for a face
from eye to eye
A glimpse to hold on
A moment to remember.
And I see everything,
Everything in life
with my weary eyes,
And I drink Red Wine.

Only You...

A Beautiful Song...



Only You (love theme from “The Young Victoria”)

My love
Your love
Has opened up a world I’ve never known
All hope
Was found
A place I never dreamed I would go
Feels like only yesterday I had locked my heart away
Safe behind a castle of stone
Sure I’d always be alone
Only you know how
To hear me through the silence
You reach a part of me that no one else can see
Forever true there’s only me and only you
Only me and you

In your face I trust
With you beside me I am standing strong
One truth
Two hearts
You took my life and made it beautiful
So you dared to let me shine
Even walk a step behind
Willingly you give yourself to me
Knowing who I was born to be
Only you know how
To hear me through the silence
You reach a part of me that no one else can see
Forever true there’s only me
And only you
Only me and you

Only you know how
To hear me through the silence
You reach a part of me that no one else can see
Forever true there’s only me
And only you
Only me and you

"How can I not love you..."

I love this song...

Soundtrack: Anna And The King
Title: How Can I Not Love You
Artist: Joy Enriquez






Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

Chorus:
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend it’s over
Must be brave and we must go on, must not say
What we’ve known all along

Chorus:
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you

Bridge:
Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what we’ve known all along

Chorus:
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you
When you are gone

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" - Road Trip...

I've being reading a lot lately.. that’s why I couldn't write more often. Any way, as usual I'm at office (where I really don't want to be), without having a single idea about what the hell I'm doing here, kind of strange..ha?
I was in bit of a traveling mode last week.. and i thought I really loved flying (though it was my first flying experience and it was a very short trip). I'm thinking about going on a road trip as soon as my degree ends and where I would be able to quit my job. But who knows, may be it'll always remain as a thought (Like all most all of my other wonderful thoughts). Good parents usually don't support these daring ideas (not their fault at all, its how the society works.. who knows may be I'll think the same way they think, in thirty years from now.. one can never say about future..).
So.. how would I like to do this road trip, in case I would never get a chance to go I would like to imagine..
I thought to have a back pack where I can carry all the necessities that I need and kick off from the Pettah bus station, and that my first destination would be Kaluthara and then Galle ('Coz my best friend lives near Galle). (And the last destination of the whole road trip should be hill country, Nuwaraeliya, as I'm in love with that city). But when I take the road map of Sri Lanka, its quite hard to cover all the places I want to visit according to my initial thought, without visiting the same area twice and because of the time constraints (Three months should be the maximum time limit). So now I'm in a bit of a confusion. I want to spend at lease three days in a single place. Then only I would be able to vist all the tourists attraction spots and other hidden beauties. I want to get mix with the crowd, get to know them, and to learn about skills that are passing from generation to generation which are unique to a specific town. I want to wear beautifully painted masks from Ambalanthota and eat "mora miris and Jaffana grapes' from Jaffna. I want to be on top of the hills and feel the clouds near by at Nuwaraeliya and also bathe the beauty of artistic beaches at Nilaweli and eastern coast. I want to feel the glory and grandeur of the ancient kingdoms of Anuradhapura, Polonnaruwa and Yapahuwa and also feel the magnificence and dignity of the nature castle, Kandyan Kingdom. I want to know the hard life of working hard against the hard soil and the glamour of the upcoming cities. In short, I want to feel and experience the diversity and extravagant beauty that this beautiful island, Sri Lanka (where I live) can offer, before setting off to see the beauties of the world.

"Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living." - Miriam Beard

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" - may be going wild

its being one hell of a long time.. exams, results, trips, meeting with friends.. but something is missing.. i feel that, and i know that.. out of no where today i figured out that i do lot of eating (junk food specially) when i'm out of mood.. may be thats why i'm getting fat.. hi hi.. after a long time i'm home today for the whole day.. i hate to hear people arguing or fighting, specially people i care about.. it freaks me out.. but.. (now your imaginations can or could go wild) .. i should eat.. work.. trust me i have lot on that section.. degree, music, some other thing i started lately.. these helps to keep me in track (barely) .. i started up reading.. but i don't feel like doing it all the time as i used to.. instead i starts wondering around with the characters.. looking at this i see lot of "i"s'.. may be i'm self centered.. i do this, i do that, i feel bad, i feel happy and all the nonsense about me.. then again i love latin music.. cool rhythms.. beats.. right now i'm listening to soundtrack of dirty dancing 2 havana nights.. very up beat..makes me want really listen to that.. closing my eyes and all.. it kind of distracts me.. which is good.. usually i read what i write when i'm writing.. today i try not to do that.. b'coz i don't want to.. i don't write about what ever the things i'm writing right now usually in here.. but then again, i feel like stepping out of the track.. and go wild once in a while.. so this may well be the start.. i'm eating cocktail mixture.. and i eat a lot.. okay.. may be i should stop now.. by the way i didn't clean up my room today.. anyway, may be you wanna dance now.. (after reading all my crap.. (if u even get to the end :O )) .. okay.. i read now.. here's a song for you to get your body moving..

Mya - Do You Only Wanna Dance Lyrics from Dirty Dancing Hava Nights

Funny thing is when I look into your eyes
I sense something so sincere in your disguise
You whisper secrets I hear only in my dreams
Then I wake up to your tele-smoke screen
I wait patiently while you play your game
'Cause in the end, I'll be the winner all the same
You'll see clearly when the song comes to a stop
I'll be the one blowing kisses from the top

(Mya)
(So baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(So stop, baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
Or do you only wanna dance?

You put your lips very closely to my face
And then you run away and so begins the chase
I'll be the hunter, but boy, you better pray
'Cause when I want ya, I'll get you anyway
You know what I wanna do
It ain't nothing new
I'm tired of dropping clues
So, gonna step to you
Will you rise to my occasion?
Or will you make me change your station?

Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (Uh)
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(Stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(Oh, I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya (Uh)
You should surrender (Uh)
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
Or do you only wanna dance?

If you take my hands
And follow my lead
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (Then I can't take that chance)
If you take my hands (Oh)
And follow my lead (Oh, Oh, oh-oh)
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (I can't take it)

(So stop it) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(So stop) Stop, you're surrounded (Baby stop)
Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya (Uh)
You should surrender (Uh)
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(Stop, baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (All around you)
Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in

(So stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (All around you)
Move and I'll down ya (Uh-uh-uh)
And that'll end ya (Uh-uh-uh!)
You should surrender (Uh-uh-uh!!)
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?

"It all comes down to who's by your side" - A Walk to Remember - Nicholas Sparks (1965 - ...)

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" - Untitled

I was staring at the screen for a long time without writing anything. Conversations that weave up in my mind, which I think that would be good to write, vanishes in to thin air as soon as they appear. Life is a time bomb which is waiting for the right time to get exploded. For some the right time does come, for some it doesn't. And some defuse the bomb because of the fright of it.
Again I stare, because of the uncertainty of the things that I should write which comes in to my head.
Funerals, always make me think again about life. Sometimes I feel that I'm close to dead than the alive. Well maintained cemeteries are beautiful. And they fascinate me. Not only the dead who can find peace there, but also well alive people like me can find peace there. Some of the dead leave behind a legacy. A legacy that should be outshine by the divine people who are alive. Otherwise the flow would be flawed. There won't be a future for the future.
How can a person be in two places at once? Or go behind most contrasting life paths at once? Because I want to be able to do both. Otherwise the balance would be hampered severely.

What I love most, I do not have. What I have, I cherish most.
We meet strangers, and sometimes make friends out of them.
We meet friends, and sometimes make strangers out of them.
Life is too short, for all these bonds.
It should be free, like the wind that blows.

"I feel within me a peace above all earthly dignities, a still and quiet conscience." - William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" - A Red Rose

"I disliked roses. Yes, quite extraordinary thing to do. I never understood the pureness of a rose, specially a red rose. But now, if I say quite astonishingly.. I love a rose, a red rose. Yet, it's far gone beyond my reach.

History has his mark upon this beautiful red rose. In the colour of blood to the softness like a feather in it's petals, it gives happiness to a young girl, binds the unbind, gives comfort in shattering times and finally reaches the heart of unreachable. But sometimes one can also be irrecoverably wounded by a thorn of a red rose. Thousands of writers over the undying centuries have written uncountable things around a red rose.. Love, hatred, undying passion, desire.. But a single tear drop on petal of a red rose, when it is given hand to hand, is profoundly bound with thousands of unspeakable words.

I've heard and seeing somewhere that a black rose signifies "goodbye". A black rose that I may have now, but I forever love a red rose, a red rose which its color is from me, which its wetness is from me, and which its thorns attached to me."

“But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose. ” - Anne Bronte (1820 - 1849)

Me, My Friend and My Foe

I'm my friend, and I'm my foe
from the past to the future
in the boat that I raw

It's hard to be a
friend to thee
and a friend to me

So it's either you
or either me
or neither at all

So I became
friend to thee and foe to me
from the past to the future
in the lives to come.

The Stranger

I met a stranger
Stop I say
Don't come closer
But
As he was a stranger
Didn't listen
and crossed the road
So he got hurt
As it was bound to happen
No one can say
that I didn't warn
It was his mistake
His desire got better of him
So I beg and plead
Don't come closer
Don't ever come closer.

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" - Scribble

I hardly keep track of the things I write. May be because it's kind of hard to do that. Sometimes I love writing, and it gives me so much strength. But there are times that I get really tired of it, not because I don't love it, but simply because I'm tired of the things around me. I scribble things here and there, whenever a thought pops in to my head. So I have number of notepads with incomplete writings. And when I find those after sometime, I wonder whether I ever wrote those things.
I never call or consider my self as a writer, at least not yet. It's simply because I think I lack many things which make a good writer, language skill, knowledge, concentration and mainly devotion and many other things. Some day I may have all these things within me. Until that day I continue scribbling... like the one below...

"I would love to see your smiling eyes...
Because I see none these days
Even in mirror,
two sorrowful eyes gaze at me..
So I would love to see your smiling eyes
'Coz it would bring smile to me.."
(01-04-2008)

"A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." -
Thomas Mann (1875 - 1955)

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" -On the Sea Shore

"I love walking by the sea.

I see sea five or six days per week throughout the year, nearly two hundred and seventy to three hundred and twenty four days per year. That's because I work and study near sea. Every time I walk near to the only window of my work place I can see this big beautiful blue lady waving, humming and sometimes staying really still. And I get fascinated each and every time.

I love walking by the sea. But the irony is that I have never really done that in the sense of doing that for the past... well, for the entire time I have lived. Sad. May be because I never had the chance, maybe I didn't want to go alone without having anyone to walk with me holding hands, may be because nobody ask me to or maybe because nobody know that I love that or may be because I'm too busy with my monotonous lifestyle, whatever the reason is I never did, and maybe I never would.

So today I walk by the sea all by myself while writing this. I imagine…

"There's everything in the blue sky, stars, clouds and even moon. As I step in to the mild sand of the shore taking off my slippers to my hand I feel stars far far away watching this little girl in a white dress, walking all alone in the beach. I can feel how the sand gets in between my toes, how the beautiful waves come and touch my bare feet and how it sweeps off the footsteps I just made in the sand. The cold chill I get from the sea wind warms my heart.

I fold my arms and I walk, and walk. There's no one to stop me, no one to watch me except stars, no one to ask questions, no one to guide again except stars, and I feel free. I feel the warmth of the sea breeze, I hear the voice of this beautiful blue lady, though I miss someone to walk by my side, I'm happy. Away from life, I feel the beauty.

And I sit in the shore and I watch. I see a vague image of a sailing ship in the horizon. I can't separate the sea from the sky, everything has become one. My free set hair blows away and I wonder who could be in that sailing ship.

It's getting colder and late, so I get back to my feet and I walk back in the same way I came, in to my monotonous life. But I treasure the moment and everything I felt, beauty of the Mother Nature, and I walk away until this beautiful lady calls me again to be with her. " "

" So I love walking by the sea. " - Me (2008-08-06)

In the memory of my grandmother....

It's being a while.. Last seven days of my life has being hectic.

Nearly a week ago my grandmother passed away. She was full of life, talking, laughing and having a good time with her grand kids in one moment and in the next moment she was gone, just like that. She went away without troubling anyone even for a single second. We lost her charisma, her love, her smiling face and every other small detail about her in the matter of few minutes for ever. She left a moaning space in every body's heart.

It's very hard to watch her daughters, sons, grand children, great grand children and in-laws fall in to tears helplessly, in very odd moments. She was a true woman. And our lives has changed a lot by what happened. No more visits to grandmother's place on Avurudu or Vesak. It's like loosing the knot that kept us tight together. It'll never be the same anymore.

Her children believes that she is suddenly taken away from us to be in a better place. A place where she'll meet my grandfather again. My grand father passed away exactly six years ago. And their children thinks he called her to be with him, to have another life, full of love, happiness, understanding and trust. Today my mother said that my grandfather has loved my grand mother lot more than she loved him back, so that they always had a way to solve problems without having a single argument. And my mother says he always used to say to my grandmother that "I won't leave alone, I'll always take you with me." So may be after six years, at the age of 84 he has taken her with him, to love and cherish another life.

And finally I want my love and life to be like theirs, INSEPARABLE.

Back Again..

Good day everyone.. It's being a long time. My busy schedules and my kind of boring mind which held me last few days has kept me from blogging. :O

Anyway I just dropped in to say that I started a new blog in Sinhala. Something I tried for quite a sometime, and yesterday I finally got done.

Have a look.. :)

"දින සටහන් ... " : "Day Notes"

Still it's a small beginning. Hope to make my way through..

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" - Stop

"It's being ages since I wrote something. My mind is kind of stuck. May be it's because of this dull air or may because of exam heat. Don't know why. I want to clear my mind. I want all the unwanted thoughts get out of mind and keep only the wanted ones. But what exactly do I want? That's remains an unanswered question.

Everyone of us are on a rat race. We run and run, without thinking to stop even for once. But sometimes we see someone watch us running. This someone wait by the side, folding his arms, having a slight smile in his face and a twinkle in their eyes. This someone silently dare us to stop. He dares us to think why we run, what's our goal, what do we get in the end. He dares us to appreciate and value things we take for granted in our lives, to understand the value of life. He dare us to accept and treasure the moments of happiness of life and be content with life. He again and again dare us to stop. But it's our choice, whether to stop for a moment and feel the strength it gives or to run forever without a break and finally, may be fall apart. "

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
-John Lennon (1940 - 1980), "Beautiful Boy"