Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" - Scribble

I hardly keep track of the things I write. May be because it's kind of hard to do that. Sometimes I love writing, and it gives me so much strength. But there are times that I get really tired of it, not because I don't love it, but simply because I'm tired of the things around me. I scribble things here and there, whenever a thought pops in to my head. So I have number of notepads with incomplete writings. And when I find those after sometime, I wonder whether I ever wrote those things.
I never call or consider my self as a writer, at least not yet. It's simply because I think I lack many things which make a good writer, language skill, knowledge, concentration and mainly devotion and many other things. Some day I may have all these things within me. Until that day I continue scribbling... like the one below...

"I would love to see your smiling eyes...
Because I see none these days
Even in mirror,
two sorrowful eyes gaze at me..
So I would love to see your smiling eyes
'Coz it would bring smile to me.."
(01-04-2008)

"A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." -
Thomas Mann (1875 - 1955)

Excerpt from "Roaming Thoughts - Unedited" -On the Sea Shore

"I love walking by the sea.

I see sea five or six days per week throughout the year, nearly two hundred and seventy to three hundred and twenty four days per year. That's because I work and study near sea. Every time I walk near to the only window of my work place I can see this big beautiful blue lady waving, humming and sometimes staying really still. And I get fascinated each and every time.

I love walking by the sea. But the irony is that I have never really done that in the sense of doing that for the past... well, for the entire time I have lived. Sad. May be because I never had the chance, maybe I didn't want to go alone without having anyone to walk with me holding hands, may be because nobody ask me to or maybe because nobody know that I love that or may be because I'm too busy with my monotonous lifestyle, whatever the reason is I never did, and maybe I never would.

So today I walk by the sea all by myself while writing this. I imagine…

"There's everything in the blue sky, stars, clouds and even moon. As I step in to the mild sand of the shore taking off my slippers to my hand I feel stars far far away watching this little girl in a white dress, walking all alone in the beach. I can feel how the sand gets in between my toes, how the beautiful waves come and touch my bare feet and how it sweeps off the footsteps I just made in the sand. The cold chill I get from the sea wind warms my heart.

I fold my arms and I walk, and walk. There's no one to stop me, no one to watch me except stars, no one to ask questions, no one to guide again except stars, and I feel free. I feel the warmth of the sea breeze, I hear the voice of this beautiful blue lady, though I miss someone to walk by my side, I'm happy. Away from life, I feel the beauty.

And I sit in the shore and I watch. I see a vague image of a sailing ship in the horizon. I can't separate the sea from the sky, everything has become one. My free set hair blows away and I wonder who could be in that sailing ship.

It's getting colder and late, so I get back to my feet and I walk back in the same way I came, in to my monotonous life. But I treasure the moment and everything I felt, beauty of the Mother Nature, and I walk away until this beautiful lady calls me again to be with her. " "

" So I love walking by the sea. " - Me (2008-08-06)

In the memory of my grandmother....

It's being a while.. Last seven days of my life has being hectic.

Nearly a week ago my grandmother passed away. She was full of life, talking, laughing and having a good time with her grand kids in one moment and in the next moment she was gone, just like that. She went away without troubling anyone even for a single second. We lost her charisma, her love, her smiling face and every other small detail about her in the matter of few minutes for ever. She left a moaning space in every body's heart.

It's very hard to watch her daughters, sons, grand children, great grand children and in-laws fall in to tears helplessly, in very odd moments. She was a true woman. And our lives has changed a lot by what happened. No more visits to grandmother's place on Avurudu or Vesak. It's like loosing the knot that kept us tight together. It'll never be the same anymore.

Her children believes that she is suddenly taken away from us to be in a better place. A place where she'll meet my grandfather again. My grand father passed away exactly six years ago. And their children thinks he called her to be with him, to have another life, full of love, happiness, understanding and trust. Today my mother said that my grandfather has loved my grand mother lot more than she loved him back, so that they always had a way to solve problems without having a single argument. And my mother says he always used to say to my grandmother that "I won't leave alone, I'll always take you with me." So may be after six years, at the age of 84 he has taken her with him, to love and cherish another life.

And finally I want my love and life to be like theirs, INSEPARABLE.